Living with Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD) and Dialysis: A Personal Journey
In May 2010, I was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD). I was 17, preparing for my 12th-grade exams, full of dreams and ambitions like any other teenager. But those dreams were abruptly interrupted. What began as shortness of breath and swelling soon became a life-altering diagnosis. Within days, I was thrust into the world of dialysis treatments. I tried to continue my education, but balancing thrice-a-week dialysis sessions and managing my health became impossible. I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life: to leave school and give up on my education.
The Long Road to Recovery: Life with CKD and Dialysis
For the next six years, I found myself on a never-ending cycle of dialysis sessions, fighting my illness while watching my friends move forward with their lives. Finally, in 2016, after years of waiting, I received a kidney transplant. I thought that this would be my turning point—a chance to rebuild the life I had put on hold. But recovery wasn’t as straightforward as I had hoped. It took me four long years to try and adjust to life after the kidney transplant. I joined tuitions, attended classes, and tried to focus, but the toll of those six years on dialysis had left a lasting impact on me, physically and mentally.
Battling Depression and Panic Attacks After Transplant
What I didn’t realize during this period was that I had fallen into a deep depression. It’s hard to pinpoint whether it was the result of post-transplant medications, the feelings of isolation, or the overwhelming realization that I had lost so much time. Maybe it was a combination of all these factors. I began to experience panic attacks, suffocated by the thought that I might never study again or return to the life I had once dreamed of. For years, I was consumed by a sense of darkness, unsure of how to navigate my way back.
But here’s something important: It’s okay to take help in such situations. I, too, sought help and saw a therapist during that time. There is no shame in reaching out for support, whether from a mental health professional, family, or friends. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It is part of taking back control of your life. No one should have to battle these feelings alone.
Remember, you’re not defined by your struggles, but by how you rise above them. Sometimes, that strength comes from leaning on others.
In 2019, something shifted. There wasn’t a singular moment, but I remember deciding that I couldn’t let CKD control my life any longer. I needed to take back control, step by step, and rebuild what had been broken.
CKD, Dialysis, and Education: My Determined Comeback
Returning to my studies was far harder than I had anticipated. I was no longer accustomed to the routine of learning. To be completely honest, I was never a stellar student. I was an average one, scoring 60% in high school. Despite trying for four years to regain my focus, I struggled. It was then that I finally decided to complete my 12th-grade exams, and in 2019, I did just that.
In a strange twist, my years spent fighting CKD and undergoing dialysis made learning easier in some ways. Science, which once felt challenging, came naturally to me thanks to the knowledge I had gained during my treatments. Being constantly surrounded by doctors, nurses, and my medical research taught me more than I could have imagined. When I finally sat for my 12th-grade exams, much of the material felt familiar.
After completing my 12th, I leaped and enrolled in a BCA (Bachelor of Computer Applications) program. And here’s where something truly remarkable happened: the girl who had always been average academically became the class topper throughout her graduation, Alhamdulillah. CKD may have set me back 10 years, but it also gifted me with something far more valuable—a hunger for knowledge, a deep well of patience, and the resilience to push through even the hardest of challenges.
Mental Health Struggles and Growth: Life Lessons from CKD
Though CKD disrupted my education, it also gave me unexpected gifts. The 10 years I spent battling this illness taught me more about myself than any classroom could have. During those years, I became incredibly close to my parents in ways that many my age wouldn’t have the opportunity to experience. While my peers were studying abroad, I spent my days at home, building bonds that I will always treasure.
CKD also forced me to grow in other ways. Frequent visits to hospitals, handling appointments with doctors, and navigating medical complexities all on my own made me resilient and confident. I had no choice but to grow up fast. These experiences shaped me, giving me courage and a sense of independence. Through it all, I never lost hope.
In the midst of it, I discovered my passion for graphic design. I taught myself the skills and, after completing my BCA, began working as a freelance graphic designer. What began as a way to pass the time during those years became a career that I love.
(Feel free to contact me for details about my graphic design services!)
Finding Strength in the Struggle: My Life with CKD
If there’s one thing CKD has taught me, it’s that strength isn’t about never falling—it’s about finding the courage to get back up every time life knocks you down. CKD and dialysis have shaped every aspect of my life, from my education to my mental health, but they’ve also revealed to me the depths of my resilience.
I share my story not for sympathy, but to let others know they are not alone in their battles. Chronic illness can feel like an insurmountable obstacle, but there is always hope, even on the darkest days. Setbacks do not define your worth, and though the journey may be difficult, you are capable of overcoming more than you realize.
Today, I stand not as someone who was defeated by CKD, but as someone who continues to fight, learn, and grow. I may have lost years to this illness, but in many ways, I’ve gained something far more valuable: the understanding that no matter how tough the journey is, the human spirit is capable of incredible strength.
A Win-Win Situation
Looking back, I realize that CKD didn’t just take away 10 years of my life; it shaped me into the person I am today. While it set me back in terms of education, it also gave me strength, resilience, and an incredible sense of purpose. I gained something extraordinary: confidence, hope, patience, and courage.
As Sia’s song Titanium says,
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I’m bulletproof.”
CKD may have knocked me down, but it didn’t break me. Instead, it showed me the power of resilience and the importance of never giving up. My journey hasn’t been easy, but it’s mine—and that, in itself, is something I’m proud of.
Join the Conversation and Share Your Story
Living with CKD or any chronic illness can be a long and challenging journey, but you don’t have to go through it alone. If my story resonates with you or you’ve experienced something similar, I encourage you to share your thoughts in the comments below. Struggles can affect anyone, whether you are a CKD patient or not; I would love to hear your story of mental health and struggles.
Whether you have questions about dialysis, mental health, or navigating life with CKD, I’m here to listen and support you.
Let’s build a community where we can learn from each other, offer hope, and remind ourselves that we’re stronger together. Your journey matters, and sharing might inspire someone else to keep fighting.
Stay connected by subscribing to my blog for future posts, or feel free to reach out directly if you want to connect more personally.
Together, we are resilient. Together, we are Renal Warriors.
To read more about mental health stress management and ckd read National Kidney Foundation and American Kidney Funds.
3 thoughts on “Overcoming Setbacks: How Dialysis and CKD Shaped My Life and Mental Health Journey”
Very nice
Well done
Thanku so much
You couldn’t have expressed more better than this. I mean. Beautiful & Inspiring